I am sitting here this morning at the beach with my beautiful family. If you follow my blog, then you mostly see beautiful, still, smiling photos of my children. Looking perfect. Because that's what we want to portray, right? Well, let me tell you, that's not how it is around here. Photographing children, I see all kinds. Gentle. Wild. Quiet. Outgoing. Shy. Compliant. Happy. Moody. All kinds. Those that are so different from my own children make me begin to doubt. Doubt who I am as a Mother. Doubt if I'm doing anything right. Doubt my calling. You know those kids. They may be yours. The one's that are gentle, patient, compliant. The one's that make parenting look so easy. And maybe some of it does have to do with the way you parent. I'm not doubting that. But, I'm also wondering out loud if my wild, defiant, happy, moody children are also just who they are- with my parenting or without. Maybe they are changing me more than I am changing them. Fast forward 2 days and now I sit here in my quiet kitchen while the two are at school. Yesterday as we were driving home from the beach and we drove over the Tennessee River in a place where I once made a bargain with God. You see 7 years ago almost to the exact date I drove over the same bridge entering a new life in Nashville. James was driving the Uhaul. Momma T was driving the suburban with the boat pulling behind it. And I was driving our old 2 door Tahoe. About an hour outside of Nashville, a monsoon came as we drove North on I-65. As we were driving over the bridge, I was sure someone was going to go over in to the river. It was that bad. So I did what I do when I am scared for my life. I bargained with God. We've all done it, right? If you save us, then I will do whatever you want. It went something like that anyway. When we pulled safely in to the Embassy Suites, I forgot all about the bargain. I broke it. He kept it.
That night he saved me. And as I drove across that same bridge, I looked back at the two that were not on that first drive across the bridge. And I knew. He loves me despite my wild heart. And I believe He even loves me because of it. He chooses to save me every single day. And He will do the same for my two defiant, wild, beautiful children.
Fear not for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name. You are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you. The rivers will not overwhelm you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. Isaiah 43:1-3a