Blackbird | Nashville Photographer

[i needed to give a preface to this blog post.  this feels very vulnerable and scary for me to share but i am finding that writing lately is therapy for me.  so i am putting myself out there in this weird online world to be judged or to be loved.  if you don't enjoy vulnerability and realness then maybe just stop reading now.  otherwise, read on and hopefully you will find some sort of companionship in your own story as well.]

The last 10 years Halloween has mainly been about making sure the kids had the right costumes and then raiding their candy after they go to bed.  I will usually put on some cat ears and call it a night.  But this year some friends and I decided to dress up and go to an actual adult party.  After changing my mind about 4 times, I finally settled on being a blackbird.  My kind friends at Fruition Salon wanted to help me with my hair and makeup so we spent the afternoon gluing on feather lashes and creating my bird-like hair.   Because, truth is, if I was left to my own devices then I would have looked like a bird nest instead of a bird.  So I was very grateful for their help.  

I want to say that I chose to be a blackbird for some deep, meaningful reason but honestly it was because I absolutely HATE birds.  I mean I like to watch them but if they get near me, I FREAK out.  So I couldn't think of anything more frightening to be than a black bird.  And Halloween is all about being scary, right?  So I head out feeling great looking forward to a night out with some of my closest friends.

I felt so happy that night, sitting around the fire with some truly kind, generous, thoughtful people.  All was right in my world.  And then it hit like a ton of bricks while sitting in a room with a handful of dear friends that are loving me so well these days.  My happiness turned to weeping.  I have been finding lately that when I find myself truly happy then a deep sense of sadness also rushes through me as well.  So I sat there and wept.  And I was loved.  And held.  Then one grabbed a guitar and started strumming "blackbird."  I didn't really understand the significance at the time because I was just in the midst of releasing so much feeling.  And the releasing was not just sadness and pain but also my happiness.  It was a cleansing, holy moment as the party thundered on downstairs.   And both of those were with me- the thundering happiness and the gentle sadness.  

The next morning I woke up with "blackbird" singing to me in the back of my mind.  And then it hit me.  My costume did mean something so much more than I realized.  And the words of that song could not say it any better...

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free

Blackbird fly
Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night

Blackbird fly
Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise.

And maybe next time when I see a black bird flying towards me, I won't be so afraid.  For it brought about my release and showed me the strength in my own brokenness.  

Happy Halloween to all of you friends.  

Just Keep Going | Nashville Photographer

I never planned to be a photographer.  My dream as a child was to be on the news.  It's true.  I wanted to be on The Today Show someday.  Katie Couric was my hero.  So I went into college as one of the only girls with a Speech Communications major.  Many of my friends were art/design majors so I spent a ton of time in that building.  But I just never thought it was really for me.  

Years later my daughter was born and I pulled out an old film camera that I used a few times on vacations and started playing with it.  After a year or so of taking photos of Bella, friends started asking me to take photos of their children.  From there I started my business slowly but surely.  I can remember going to an art fair and bringing samples of my work.  Looking back I realize how brave I was because that work is pretty embarrassing.  Or maybe I was just oblivious to how bad those photos really were.  But whatever it was, I put myself out there.  

And to all of you who are just starting or who want to start but don't think you have the natural talent- you can get better.  You will get better if you just keep going.  I wanted to quit more times than I could count because I failed more times than I could count.  Like really failed.  Like I can remember one session where every photo was blown out completely.  And I can remember writing notes on my hand on how to use the manual setting.  Every session felt like the first day of school: a mixture of nerves and excitement.  And then there was the comparing.  I was constantly looking at other photographers blogs and trying to copy their work.  They were the pinnacle to who I wanted to be as an artist.  

Now I wish there was some major aha moment that I can recall that I had the big turning point.  I just kept going.  And I got better.  At some point it just became second nature to know exactly what settings my camera needs to be on to get the right shot.  The comparing stopped.  I started to ask myself: what do you like?  What represents who you are?  And I began to get my inspiration from other sources than from fellow photographers.  I truly don't believe I became an artist until I allowed my work to be my work.  

So to all of you who want to give up, just keep going.  Keep painting.  Keep taking pictures.  Keep dreaming.  Sometimes it is staying in the mediocrity of the everyday that makes you great.  

So just to keep it real... Here are a few of my first photo sessions ever with my digital camera. These are around 10 years old... 

Oh Theo.  You are already breaking hearts and you can't even walk yet.  Watch out Nashville, a new heart breaker is on the loose.  

the life of a mom | nashville family photographer

I could not help but share this series of photographs because I know every single mom out there can relate.  There are some days where I feel like I cannot breathe without a child in front of my face.  My personal space is never respected when it comes to my children.  They have made me forget that personal space is even a thing that exists.  Sometimes I try to put myself in "time out" but it usually is quickly interrupted by the incessant need of my super-mom powers to intervene an emergency situation.  So these photos are dedicated to all the moms out there who just want a little personal space.  Know you are not alone.... ​